It's not you, it's me. Maybe it's sounds lame and I know it does but tell me how can I explain that I'm not used to attention and I don't know what to when I receive affection. That I still think about him although I have everything I could ever dream of from a man. How can I tell you that I still think that it is just a joke? How can I tell you that I'm thinking of moving the next month when you already have plans for 3 years? How can I tell you that kissing in the rain made me think how broken I am and how I want to run away. How can I tell you that I hate flowers and that some movies make me cry? How can I tell you that I've missed you much but still made you feel awful when I saw you? How can I ever tell you that you deserve someone waay better who can't wait to go the cinema and do anything to make you smile?
How could I tell you in some years that you were the best thing that ever happened to me and that it was the worst decision of my life to leave? How could I tell you then that I wish you didn't let me go and that I want you back? They say it was just ambition, it wasn't, it's just that I don't think I'll be ever able to deal with someone who loves me and that I'll never stay. Maybe you'll already have someone who deserves you and I'll be dying a little inside thinking that following white cars was nothing in comparison with that feeling. How will I be able to tell you that UK will have more memories that the mountains could ever make? Maybe I'll still smoke but if I won't I hope you know why. Maybe coffee won't sound like such a good idea but it can be like a last favour. Your eyes in the rain and your voice while explaining, your surprise and my intolerance to "sweets". I'll eventually get to love rain while you'll get used to walking, maybe she won't be so eager at the beginning but she will do everything it takes to see you happy.
Skype will be just a memory and the sound of the typing machine for messages will always remind me of you. The the thrills I felt when you looked at me and the movies we'll ever watch. The cinema. The docks. Cars. Racing. Dogs. Policing. You!
I've loved you, I swear.